The Birthday Paradox

Saturday, August 15, 2009


It's that time of the year again. Amazing how you blink your eyes and the rock you live on goes around the sun one whole time. It's been a long time. You must have forgotten how I sound. Except for my 211 'followers' here who occasionally heard me shout, whisper and cough.

Last year I tried an experiment. It was only modestly successul and the Elbonian government still stands. This time I won't run an experiment on you. I'll just tell you some tales and then wonder out loud.

Turns out that apart from being the birthday of the Internal Combustion Engine, Oersted, Danielle Steele, Johnny Lever, Rameez Raja and Halle Berry, yesterday was my birthday too. But what caught my fancy is how the Indian calendar conspired this time to make it the birthday of this Krishna dude too. He was this awesome guy who played around with cool weapons. I am not sure about his name though, for he was a cunning, power-broking kingmaker with multiple identities. Indeed, he was like a cross between Machiavelli and Jason Bourne.

One of his claims to fame is the time he infiltrated an army under the cover of an extremely chatty driver. He drove around his ride, some famous soldier called Arjun, to his favorite bar daily. Our man used to bore this Arjun guy with a lot of totally random philosophy. It was all part of the plan. One day he went on for hours at length after taking care to have locked all the doors of the vehicle. Arjun, who had already had eight pegs and two joints, went from being indifferent to irritated to hysterical to stark, raving crazy. Then our man, in the privacy of the vehicle showed him what he called the 'mega-me' with a solemn nod, smug smile and a mano cornuto. And that's when Arjun really, really lost it. He ran around pulling at his hair and shooting his relatives. Quite a stinky affair, if you ask me, but they did win the war in the end.

Now all this doesn't mean a thing to someone looking for some encouraging co-incidences to make a superstitious world believe that this year is going to be extra good for him. Here's what does: When he wasn't pushing people off the cliff of sanity, our hero was one helluva ladies' man! He was tall, dark and handsome and he liked his women in their birthday suits and if possible wet. So one day, while vacationing back in his village, he played his flute(just one of the many skills he picked up in spy school), hypnotized all the ladies living nearby and led them into a lake. (This would in later years give rise to the tale of the Pied Piper. Of course they would change the characters and theme and wouldn't acknowledge this fact. Instead they would make up an entirely fictional account of the origin.) Then while the confused women decided to take a bath as they already were wet, he stole their clothes and later appeared grinning on a tree branch. (This would inspire Lewis Caroll to come up with an equally elusive cat in his novel. And he too, wouldn't accept this origin.)

Even though all those involved in this little 'incident' enjoyed it, the elders of the village disapproved. "Not to worry," he told his playmates and proceeded to make arrangements for night-long parties in an undisclosed location. They played trance music and danced around in circles, only taking breaks to refill their glasses. This went on till a boring, but bossy bunch of bozos bearing bright bronze badges and bulging beer bellies, busted the blooming outfit. Krishna left town, never to return again.

So now, the questions I've been working my way upto, the ones I contemplate while this plays on in the background are: Will the girls, the ones who unlike me, believe in God, imaginary friends and other weird stuff, read much meaning into this co-incidence and suddenly think of me as a debonair lover? Will they want me to do kinky stuff? Will it freak me out and do I want attention from such crazy girls?

P.S. The title refers to this.


Posted by Rithwik at 8:55 PM | 6 comments | email this  

Dark Temptations, of the Indecent Kind.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Axe Dark Temptation ad has been banned in India. It has been labelled, 'indecent, vulgar and repulsive.'

Since previous ads have had similarly amorous stuff with real people involved, I am guessing the I&B Ministry just could not stand the trivialisation of chocolate. They have always held it close to their hearts for its charming character.

Although now, with sufficient publicity, people would seek out and see the ad, on youtube and elsewhere, just to find out why it was banned. And then maybe they would go buy Axes like never before.

Of course, if they just had to ban something to make up their ban quota for the year, I'd rather they ban the spread of misinformation, superstition and fear, by the likes of IndiaTV. But then these aren't remotely as terrible as the danger of girls all over the country breaking our noses for icecream toppings. Shudder. Or, horror of horrors, snack on our posteriors and fingers.

(Rashmi and Nikhil, point out other foolery. And call for bans of their own too - not the least as unwarranted, though!)


Posted by Rithwik at 6:04 PM | 0 comments | email this  

Healthy bans?!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Baba Ramdev wants all the bars in Mumbai to be converted into yoga centres. Just as in the Cola Wars, he is promoting his own franchise by hitting at another.

That is all fine. Negative marketing is not as bothersome as banning. Bans are never a reason to rejoice. They just curb individual rights without serving the actual end. Gujarat, a dry state, has one of the highest consumption of alcohol - which is as it should be! Wink.


No one's forcing me to go to a bar, to drink, or involve with infamous bar dancers. But if I do decide to do the above, out of my own choice, I expect my decision to be respected. Somehow, a far removed group of people taking a moral high ground and deciding what is good for me, is something I am not okay with. But, that's just me. You may prefer dictatorial regimes to run your life for you.

Which is why I cringe when the Baba lauds the efforts of the Deputy CM of Maharashtra for banning dance bars in Mumbai. In fact, banning has probably been the single most unhealthy step for the dancers. I wouldn't be surprised to find a sizeable number of them afflicted by AIDS, by now.

I wonder what Baba has to say about Dr. Shilpa Shetty looting dilwalon ke dil ka karaar while also doing her yoga..


Further reading:
From Dance Bar Girls to Business Escorts.
Prostitution beckons India's former bar girls.
Dignity no bar.
India: Bar Girls Seek Rights.


Posted by Rithwik at 2:35 PM | 0 comments | email this  

Bengaluru, Take Your Pick: Dance or Booze.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

A couple of hours ago, I just watched half of a NDTV 24x7 talk show on the limitations imposed on nightlife in Bengaluru.

It included the state's Home Minister, the Police Commissioner and a moral-police sort of guy who could very well converse in English and yet kept letting out superfast streams of Kannada righteousness. (It is quite possible that he didn't subscribe to notions of free discussion. And so, insulated himself from the arguments of at least the non-Kannada speaking people in the studio.)

From what I gather, the new rules state, besides others that I may have missed:
a) No dancing where liquor is served.
b) Only recorded music. No live bands.

What great benefits this would bring forth, is beyond me. Not surprisingly, the stipulations are very vague. A nighclub owner asked the commissioner: What if a customer enjoys the music — recorded of course — and starts swaying or shaking a leg? He replied that a bit of dancing at his chair can do no harm. On being asked as to why he can dance at the chair but not when a bit afar, the commissioner didn't have much to say. He just said that a designated dance floor shouldn't be there. Promising a workshop to help the club owners understand the vague laws, he moved on, (amidst much laughter) to claim B'lore as the most liberal city in the world, compared even to London and other metros.

Anyway, one would think that, what people do, in places they go out of choice, would not concern the government, or any other group for that matter. (Unless they do illegal stuff, or harm and nuisance is caused.) I wonder how Bengaluru is feeling right now, being told what is right, by a group of people who have no business in meddling with individual lives and rights.

It turns out that the moral police had also raided a party to demand an end to the festivities. In a not much polite or legit a manner, I presume. Yet the authorities prefer to spend their time policing morals rather than acting on illegal occurrences. Pitiful, no?

Well, till things change keep practising the moves with the curvaceous chairs..


Posted by Rithwik at 12:56 AM | 0 comments | email this  

Letting the Pizza Grow

Friday, August 22, 2008

I have long been a fan of Don Boudreaux's letters to editors, which he frequently posts on Cafe Hayek. So little written, and yet so much conveyed.

A recent one addresses the income inequality issue:

Who among us sends our children to school or to the playground with admonitions to begrudge classmates or playmates possessing nicer clothing or fancier toys? Who among us counsels our youngsters to form schoolyard coalitions for forcibly confiscating expensive sneakers and video games from 'rich' kids for "redistribution" to poorer kids? Who among us would not scold our children for such envy, and punish them severely if they participated in such thievery?

Children should avoid envy and learn to thrive by producing rather than by taking. The same is true for adults.
I am tired of people giving me the whole poor-are-still-poor-and-rich-are-still-rich drivel. Of course they are. That's how things work. Besides, why be bitter about someone else becoming richer, unless of course, he does it by harming others?

Also, aren't we all richer than we once were? I
think its better to have unequal slices of a sufficiently bigger pizza, than to have equal slices of a small one.

And say what you may, all efforts to achieve equal distribution, are impediments to the pizza getting bigger at all. For it strikes at the very way it grows: by competition and proportionate rewards.

(To read what James Michaels thought of Nehruvian pizza cutting, head here.)


Posted by Rithwik at 1:42 AM | 0 comments | email this